What assumes the lotus blossom position….

….goes “uuuuuummmmmmmmmm” and flies?  (I’ll just be waiting right over here, kay?)

Give up?

Aerial Yoga!

I stumbled onto this disturbing trend the other day when I was reading a local magazine entitled Me! Me! Me!

It’s a magazine devoted to narcissistic women, women of means.  This is evident by the advertisers, one of whom, I swear I’m not making this up, is a BOARD CERTIFIED EYE LID Surgeon.  (Buy one lid, get one free!)

But I digress.  I guess for those who aren’t interested in “Hot Yoga” (Yoga performed in a room hot enough to roast pumpkin seeds,) Aerial Yoga is for those seeking to bring their Yoga experience to the next level.  (Har-dee-har-har.)

My curiosity got the better of me so I did a little research.  “Unnata Yoga” (“Unnata” is Sanskrit for “unnatural,”) incorporates traditional yoga with the exhilaration of swinging from fabric bands. Think, flying pretzels:

Not my idea of "hanging out" with friends.

Truly this can’t be healthy.  And I hope to heaven that if a person ever finds me in a predicament like this…

….they will have the good sense to dial 9-1-1.  And quick!  (And then get me a cup of coffee.)

Yeah, yeah.  I know. Yoga moves can make a body more flexible.  And flexibility is something I take very seriously at my advancing age.  (Thankfully, I’ve discovered  the margarita-and-a-hot-tub move.)  It’s much easier on the joints and I don’t have to carry around a mat.  And trust me, the world is not ready to see this body in yoga pants.

Truth be told, those photos conjured up other, more disturbing, images in my head:

If you read this medical thriller by Robin Cook, you’ll recall the plot:

Patient goes in for an innocuous surgery and is sedated to never to wake again so their organs can be harvested for the black market.  (Cue to malevolent music.)

I wonder if some of them were having their eyelids done…..