The Borg Model of Parenting: Resistance is Futile!
What? You’ve never heard of this model? Well probably not, because I just made it up. But if you’ve got chiluns I bet you’re familiar with the methods of The Borg Model for parenting.
But first….for my non-Star Trek buddies. (And a tip of the hat to my Star Wars blog buddy Obi-Mom.)
The Borg was featured in several Next Generation episodes and was about an evil entity bent on dominating the universe. (Which, minus the evil entity part, can describe one of my children, but I digress.)
Not exactly a new storyline I know. But this creature was particularly malignant in its pursuit of humankind in a cold methodical way. And not a talkative chap but when it did speak it was usually:
Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
You may recognize the parenting parlance better:
Just do as I say. You kids knock that off right now or I’ll…. If I have to tell you one more time….If you don’t straighten up right this instance young man, I’m going to….. Do you HEAR ME?!
Ugh. I’ve been becoming more and more aware of how much I have followed the Borg Model. It’s this illusion that I can control my children by barking out orders and demanding compliance to my demands. And it’s at the cost of relationship.
It dumbs down my children because I’m reducing them to taking orders and not thinking. (Gee, sorta fits hand in glove with school and institutional church models, eh?) And it damages my heart connection with them because I’m ruling by fear and manipulation. And it’s results are more ugly than this:
The queen mother of Borgdom. I wouldn't mind however, having her cute figure.
Parenting with respect….and grace is where it’s at. Offering freedom and the power of choice creates, as Danny Silk says on the current God Journey podcast, “a powerful person who can think.”
There's a lot to sort out as I head into this book for a second read
We picked up a Borg helmet several years ago at a yard sale. It was hilarious. You could push a button and it would speak that assimilation spiel. That’s one piece of junk that I sort of regret getting rid of as it could serve as a vivid reminder to me of how NOT to parent.
Filed under: Personal development, The God Journey, family life, parenting
I love reading your blog and this entry was so timely for me! I was just talking to my husband about how ashamed I feel the last few days- barking out commands to my 3 kids (under 5). I even caught myself using a command with the word, “mister” on the end of it- to my three year old!! I want to have a good relationship with my children so I think I’ll nip that in the bud today!
Oh Holly, you are so sweet, thank you. And Ugh….with three little kids even the best mommies get frazzled. (I had mine in 3 1/2 years and was not a very nice person on way more days than I care to count.)
I’m finding it’s really a journey. And I’m especially learning that I as learn to live in God’s affection for me….it is easier for me to be the loving parent I desire to be.
Parenting by grace isn’t another technique it’s a process of transformation and that takes time.
Thanks so much for sharing. Your family is so precious….I love seeing the pics on facebook.
PS I lost my temper BIG time the other day; just ask my kids. Just thought I’d let you know….;)